An Author Interview from Books At a Glance
Successful parenting doesn’t just happen, and Christian parents want to know what God has to say about it.
I’m Fred Zaspel, editor here at Books At a Glance, and that’s our topic for today. I’m talking to Drs. Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger – experienced parents who have thought a lot together about the objectives of parenting and how best to achieve them. And they have recently authored the book, Equipping for Life: A Guide for New, Aspiring and Struggling Parents.
Andreas, Margaret – welcome, and congratulations on your new book!
Köstenbergers:
Thank you!
Zaspel:
I love your title – Equipping for Life. It’s a great perspective. Why did you write this book, and who is your primary target audience?
Köstenbergers:
MARGARET: We’re the parents of 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls, and have spent a considerable amount of time and energy parenting them from birth to adulthood. We thought we’d share from our lives what we’ve learned. This learning is a result of both a thorough study of Scripture but also several decades of applying it in our lives through the different stages of parenting. Perhaps those who are just starting out on their parenting journey can benefit some of the insights and even mistakes along the way!
ANDREAS: As the subtitle of our book suggests, we wrote our book for new, aspiring, and struggling parents. That is, our desire and vision is to contribute to the equipping of the next generation of parents. We’ve learned a lot of things and hope to encourage others to bring up their children in keeping with God’s design for parenting. We know biblically that there is specific order and purpose in the way in which he has designed us. So, we can parent with perspective, and with a big picture vision of equipping their children for life.
MARGARET: We’re the parents of 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls, and have spent a considerable amount of time and energy parenting them from birth to adulthood. We thought we’d share from our lives what we’ve learned. This learning is a result of both a thorough study of Scripture but also several decades of applying it in our lives through the different stages of parenting. Perhaps those who are just starting out on their parenting journey can benefit some of the insights and even mistakes along the way!
Zaspel:
There are already quite a few parenting books on the market. How is your book distinctive, and what is the contribution you hope to make?
Köstenbergers:
ANDREAS: You’re right, when you walk into the parenting aisle of Barnes & Noble, or of a Christian bookstore, there are already hundreds of books available on parenting. That said, we feel we have something unique to offer. To begin with, we’re a married couple, a mom and a dad, who are also scholars and theologians and have partnered in parenting and processed our lessons together. So, we can offer both a mother’s and a father’s voice and can jointly reflect on the nature of parenting and on various issues in parenting.
MARGARET: What we have found is that parenting books are often focused on just a slice of parenting, whether parenting young children or teenagers or some other age group. We have also seen parenting books that provide a list of topics in parenting—somewhat random but still helpful. What we have tried to do, based on foundations of previous study of Scripture (which we have written up in books such as God’s Design for Man and Woman and God, Marriage, and Family). We have tried to present an accessible and friendly book that overviews the entire life cycle of parenting from birth to adulthood, hence the title Equipping for Life. We address ourselves consciously to young parents, as mentioned, whether new or future parents, because we want to give them a sense of what to expect in the long run—give them a vision of what lies ahead. In this way, we hope to put parenting in perspective beyond the daily struggles of parenting.
ANDREAS: Finally, we wanted our book to be biblically based, theologically grounded, and missionally oriented. By that we mean that we tried to discern from Scripture to the best of our ability what is God’s plan for parenting. Not only this, we attempted to reflect theologically on the nature of parenting in light of the fatherhood of God, in light of the fact that we are created in God’s image, and so forth. And we conceived of parenting as missionally oriented, that is, as focused on equipping children for a life of glorifying God and joining him on his mission in this world.
Zaspel:
OK, then, let’s talk about each of the three Rs of parenting one at a time. What do you mean by “realistic parenting,” and why is it so important?
Köstenbergers:
ANDREAS: Right, so Equipping for Life is structured in 3 parts, each of which focuses on an emphasis on parenting. These 3 parts (or “Rs,” since each of these start with the letter “R”) are called “Realistic Parenting,” “Relational Parenting,” and “Responsible Parenting.” Regarding “realistic parenting,” we aim to help parents to develop an appropriate set of expectations as they embark on their parenting journey. This includes themselves (the parents) and their own sinfulness and natural limitations, as well as their children who are sinful as well and start out as simple-minded and in need of correction. It also includes the imperfect world in which we live, which presents parents with its own set of challenges.
Zaspel:
The second R is “relational parenting.” That seems rather self-evident – parenting is obviously relational. What are you getting at there? And what are the key components of relational parenting?
Köstenbergers:
MARGARET: Yes, you’re right, parenting at the core is relational. We think it’s worth talking about because in our society often we as parents relegate our parenting responsibility to others. Feminism has made an indelible imprint on our world, and many women fall into a parenting mentality that is far from Scripture’s outline of God’s design for her. There is also a scourge of fatherlessness in today’s world which leaves the family without the care and provision of a loving leader.
A key refrain that we espouse in book is, “Presence is the essence of parenting,” based in the concept of God’s presence with his people, enjoying fellowship together. The analogy is that parents are with their children, like God the Father is with his children.
So, for the relational portion of the book, we talk about different relational components. We have a chapter on parents’ relationship with their children (the horizonal dimension). We discuss the importance of encouraging a child’s relationship with God as well (the vertical dimension). Finally, we discuss dealing with adversity, and conflict, as well as spiritual warfare, which are in integral part of parenting in the messy, mixed-up world in which we live. We address the idea that parents, fathers especially, may at times treat parenting more like a task to be accomplished rather than a relationship that is inevitably open-ended, time-consuming, and is really rather complex.
Zaspel:
Finally, you say that parenting should be “responsible.” Are you saying that many parents are irresponsible? What does responsible parenting look like?
Köstenbergers:
ANDREAS: Not necessarily. By “responsible parenting” we mean that parents need to take their stewardship and responsibility as parents seriously, especially during the teenage years. They shouldn’t adopt a superficial approach and think if they drop their children off at school and take them to their games and recitals they’ve necessarily done a solid job at parenting. Parents need to be actively involved in building character in their children. They also have a significant role in guiding their children’s education. And most importantly, they are charged with equipping their children for life, so they can make good decisions regarding whom they will marry, what career they will pursue, and what is their mission in life.
Zaspel:
Even though parenting is so massively important, we’re often too busy to give parenting the careful attention it deserves. Do you have any final word of wisdom for new, aspiring, and struggling parents?
Köstenbergers:
MARGARET: Just like marriage, parenting is not only hugely rewarding if we take it seriously and understand it as a sacred trust and stewardship from God, but it is a blessing to others and a mission from God. Though parenting is very time-consuming and requires significant sacrifice, there is very little in life that compares to the joys, and even pains, of parenting children all the way from birth to adulthood. Whether you are a new, aspiring, or struggling parent, or even an experienced parent wanting to mentor your adult children, we hope that Equipping for Life will be helpful and inspiring. Thank you very much!
Zaspel:
We’re talking to Drs. Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger, authors of the brand new book, Equipping for Life: A Guide for New, Aspiring and Struggling Parents. It’s not often that a book offers parents such theologically well-grounded counsel, and we encourage you to make good use of this new book – for your kids’ sake and for the glory of God.
Andreas, Margaret – great to talk to you always, and thanks so much for your good ministry.
Köstenbergers:
Thank you!
Editor’s Note: Please check out our review of this book here.
You may also be interested to see these related titles from Andreas Köstenberger:
